A few years ago a friend’s son died by suicide. When that boy was little, he used to play with my son in a park we moms favored because it had lots of trees, providing lots of shade. Here’s what my friend wrote in her Christmas letter:
We miss [name redacted] every day. Each year, we walk in the Out of Darkness Walk and support AFSP to raise awareness and assist in the education to end suicide. We decorate his memorial elm tree on his birthday, Christmas Eve, and during the summer when the pool is open. It is getting very tall.”
There is something about having that tree, watching it grow tall, that has helped this friend and her family. Trees become a healing force in Dear Evan Hansen as well, bookending the story.
Evan Hansen is into trees. That’s why there’s one on the cover. 
The summer before the story opens, Evan worked as an apprentice park ranger. That’s where, right before school started, he fell out of a forty-foot-tall oak tree and broke his arm. The first day of school, Evan’s mom gives him a Sharpie so his friends can sign his cast.
The problem is, Evan doesn’t really have friends. But one person does sign his cast — a guy named Connor.
Here’s how each of them describe the cast-signing:
Connor: “My name. That was the last thing I wrote. On another kid’s cast. Not quite a good-bye note. But hey, I made my little mark. On a broken limb. Seems about right. Poetic if you think about it.” And to Evan he says, “Now we can both pretend we have friends.”
Evan: “There, on the side of my cast that faces the world, stretching the entire length and reaching up to ridiculous heights, are six of the biggest capital letters I’ve ever seen: CONNOR.”
It’s important to be absolutely clear that despite the giant signature, Evan and Connor were never friends. Because after Connor’s death by suicide, Evan will claim that they were close friends, even best friends. He will create a set of fake emails. Evan’s deception propels him to popularity he never dreamed possible, and he hurts the people who care about him most.
This is a story about a boy who is misunderstood. He’s a loner. He’s selfish and insensitive. His family doesn’t understand. He’s desperate. He’s smart and creative. He’s weird.
Wait, are we talking about Connor or Evan? That’s the point.
When I was growing up there was a TV phenomenon called the after-school special. It was always about a hot topic, and it always wrapped up nice and neat. There is more realism in your average Marvel superhero movie than in your average after-school special. Dear Evan Hansen is not an after-school special. (It is a Tony award-winning musical, and this novel is the companion piece to the soundtrack.)
In an after-school special, Connor would be a troubled young man with a good heart. He’s troubled, all right, but his good heart is hard to find. When we meet him, he bullies Evan. His sister calls him a psychopath. He’s broken his parents’ hearts, who have done everything to help him.
Similarly, in an after-school special, Evan would be the plucky hero — shy and awkward, but with a message of redemption. Evan is shy and awkward, but he also has serious depression and anxiety. He does bring a message of redemption, but it’s predicated on a lie.
In the real world, Evan and Connor were never friends. But in the unreal way that stories work, where death is not an uncrossable barrier, a friendship between them becomes real. Evan is there for Connor, and Connor is there for Evan.
The story does not wrap up nice and neat. It’s not a happy ending — it can’t be, not without Connor. But despite the fact that Evan did a very bad thing, the world is a little better for him having done it.
As the story concludes, Evan considers the old adage, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” in light of everything that’s happened.
Within the logic of that saying, the apple falls every single time. Not falling isn’t an option. So, if the apple has to fall, the most important question in my mind is what happens to it upon hitting the ground? Does it touch down with barely a scratch? Or does it smash on impact? Two vastly different fates. When you think about it, who cares about its proximity to the tree or what type of tree spawned it? What really makes all the difference, then, is how we land.”
We all fall down — teenagers, parents, sisters, friends. Dear Evan Hansen is about the landing. And about whether, when we hit bottom, we ever make a sound.
This is National Suicide Prevention Week. If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.
For Discussion
1. When a topic is difficult, I often turn to stories. It can be easier to discuss Connor and Evan than real people. Do you have any recommendations of other stories about suicide?
2. Do you have stories about other difficult topics that have led to good discussion or helped you understand someone?
3. Have you seen or listened to Dear Evan Hansen? What’s your take on how it addresses social media?
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The next Children’s Book Club will meet Friday, October 11. We will read The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog, by John Erickson. Giddyup!
Photo by Stuart Madden, Creative Commons, via Flickr. Post by Megan Willome.
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“Megan Willome’s The Joy of Poetry is not a long book, but it took me longer to read than I expected, because I kept stopping to savor poems and passages, to make note of books mentioned, and to compare Willome’s journey into poetry to my own. The book is many things. An unpretentious, funny, and poignant memoir. A defense of poetry, a response to literature that has touched her life, and a manual on how to write poetry. It’s also the story of a daughter who loses her mother to cancer. The author links these things into a narrative much like that of a novel. I loved this book. As soon as I finished, I began reading it again.”
—David Lee Garrison, author of Playing Bach in the D. C. Metro
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L.L. Barkat says
Sounds like an amazing (if difficult) story. Thanks for discussing it with us (and I really liked the mixed-ness of what happens in the story—unlike the after-school specials! Though now I am wondering if they have their place, too. Do these specials work for what they set out to do?)
Megan Willome says
I don’t know, except that those specials have gone off the air and the musical is on tour (coming to San Antonio in December), so I think we are open to more complicated stories.
Monica Sharman says
I’ve listened to this soundtrack over and over in the car. Love it … except I’m not crazy about the song “You Will Be Found.” It is presented as a promise, but it seems out of place in the whole story, which seems to have shown that, definitely, there are cases where someone will NOT be found (or was not found)! I wish they had written a song more along the lines of, “Go out and find someone who wants to be found.”
Of course, as a mom myself, I often think from the perspective of the moms in the story. The first time I heard “So Big/So Small,” I played it on infinite repeat and cried every time. But I’ve read and heard that in any story, the writer should be “invisible” — but for this song, I definitely felt the presence of the writers, particularly that I felt they were /trying/ to make me cry. I appreciate Lisa Brescia’s thoughts on how an actress should sing that song (2nd link here: lisabrescia.com/press.html) and not make it self-servingly maudlin.
To answer your second discussion question, yes: [SPOILER COMING!] the part in Katherine Paterson’s Bridge to Terabithia about the bully Janice Avery. The scene of Leslie finding her crying in the bathroom stall and later befriending her helped me understand a little more how to respond when someone is bullying me.
Thanks for putting this in your book club. I didn’t know that there was a novelization of the musical.
Monica Sharman says
Oops, sorry, I meant the first interview (dated October 2018) in that Lisa Brescia link.
Megan Willome says
Love that you brought up “Bridge to Terabithia”! That book has staying power.
The interesting thing about “You Will Be Found” is its position–end of Act 1. It’s the moment of Evan’s triumph, and it’s false. Yet something true happens despite the falsity. Sadly, you are correct that not everyone is found. I think it’s the hope of the story, though, that we all will be.
And thanks for the links! That song has comforted a friend who found herself in a divorce she didn’t want, raising her kids alone.
Monica Sharman says
Hmm. So I made that comment about “You Will Be Found” after not having listened to it for about a year (and that’s the impression the song made for me a year ago). But I just checked out the soundtrack again from the library, and I don’t have the same negative opinion now, upon listening again. The “hope of the story” is really the point of the song, as you point out. And it also reminds me of some ideas of St. Thomas Aquinas.
Thanks for making this a children’s book club selection. It’s good to be listening and thinking about this story again, a year after the first time.
Megan Willome says
Happy to have your evolving thoughts, Monica.