What makes for funny poems?
Maybe the same things that make for any funny writing! Consider these qualities from How to Write Funny…
-juxtaposition
-perspective
-surprise
-cumulative effect (a build through repetition)
-exaggeration
-understatement
And add this one—which may be more noticeable in a poem, but is definitely present even in funny prose: sound.
Here are ten of the best funny poems at Tweetspeak Poetry, from Every Day Poems, and beyond. Do you see any of the “funny writing techniques” in them?
1.
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun (Sonnet 130)
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
—William Shakespeare
2.
Another Bag
Love
True, unbridled love
Is looking at what I just did
On the sidewalk
Then picking it up in a bag
I can only imagine as a treasured keepsake
Wow, the collection you must have by now.
— Francesco Marciuliano in I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs
3.
SPAM Savor
They had in mind seafood
buffets, some lavish spreads fit
for a cruise on the luxury liner.
But stuff happens. Their wine run
out, all the croissants consumed,
their vessel was in deep, deep
hot water, adrift off the Riviera
with no internet service, no air
conditioning, no power, and four
thousand five hungry passengers.
Mon Dieu, mon Dieu, Monsieur!
Refrigerators hummed down
into silence, the SOS tapped out.
The navy scrambled Seahawks,
dropped crab meat from on high
and the cry went up, was heard:
C’est incroyable. Merci pour ce repas
que nous allons recevoir. Alas,
the captain spoke too quick, so
sick he could not hide from view
rushed rations of Pop-Tarts, cases
and cans of clearly marked SPAM.
Sniff tests would not this repast
pass. Many a voucher was promised.
4.
I Could Pee on This
Her new sweater doesn’t smell of me
I could pee on that
She’s gone out for the day and
left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed
my head away
I could pee on him
She’s ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
She’s making up for it
by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this
— Francesco Marciuliano in I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats
5.
Solo
Living alone has got its effects—
like for instance one goes without…
well, if one chose one could
but one needn’t. In any case,
take tonight in the bath, where
dishes I did. Which is not the same,
by the way, as me being unlaced
doing scrub a dub dub in a tub
with the plates. No, my sink
in the kitchen is clogged. So I
barely got wet, just my hands,
caressing the forks and the pans.
6.
The Art of a Quatrain Wreck (a sonnet and how not to write one)
When you set about to write your sonnet
Leave off comparisons to a summer’s day
Number 18 has a copyright on it;
use it and some bardy will make you pay.
The Shakespeare kind your lit teacher taught you
(the chick with big glasses and busy lips):
she said quatrains and a couplet would do.
Ten syllables for each line: Eight – Nine – Shit.
Steer your pentameter iambic,
whatever that’s supposed to mean.
People drive quite hard to fuel this shtick.
A pain in the assonance it might seem,
not to turn your iambs in trochees
when you hands reach out to choke (them). Geez.
—Will Willingham
7.
The New Year’s Smooch
The dictionary says
it started with smutch, a
corruption of smudge, but
somewhere along the line
of a lover’s lips, a smudge
became a smooch.
Smooch is the funnest word.
Smooch, smooch, smooch!
Like chocolate
for the mouth.
Impossible not to start saying it
(smoochsmoochsmooch).
Hey, let’s try to start a
smooch trend!
Again: Hey, let’s try to start a
smooch trend!
A smooch trend!
I’m in!
And of course there’s
that gnarly hashtag
#smooch.
#smooch …aw man…that is
sooooo smooch!
It would be awfully
fun to see “smooch” pass
throughout Twitter. New
Year’s Eve is the perfect
night for it! #smooch
*Smooch!* Pass it on! #smooch
My lips are tired but happy.
I expect to see
this peak in “Trending Topics”
at 11:59:45 tonight. #smooch
New Year’s Eve is the perfect night!
lol if we’re awake, YES! #smooch
*Smooch!* Pass it on! #smooch
What fun! #smooch
Why wait? #smooch
Now wait a minute.
Who started this craze? #smooch
I think it might have
been my aunt. She always
used to ask me for a *smooch*
–Tweetspeak poets during a Twitter party
7.
Trying to Avoid Writing
While Driving, I Hired a Chimp
Chimpanzees, it turns out, take
terrible dictation
She kept saying “i’m an excellent
driver, an excellent driver”
but it seems only from the backseat
wrapping hairy monkey fingers
over my eyes, she yanked on my earlobes
smeared lipstick (purple) across my cheek
because, she said, she couldn’t see
through the rearview. The chimpanzee gave
terrible navigation,
Got me lost around Salina.
I knew I had to stop
when she pulled out the mascara.
The package said voice-activated
but I couldn’t find the off-switch
so I tried the F-word and wound up
face down on the off-ramp and
figured next time I would just
write it down.
—Will Willingham
8.
Part the Foam
college friends sip coffee together
mid-morning while across the way,
a couple long-married reads
the daily paper as they wait
for a shared cappuccino.
A tray of food behind the counter
slips from the waiter’s hands.
Orange juice soils his apron
and glass smashes on the floor,
mixing with scrambled pieces
of an old man’s breakfast.
And finally the cappuccino
arrives for the married couple,
celebrating their anniversary.
He warns his wife of the heat,
to blow on it first would be better,
but she blows lightly to no avail.
Blow harder, he tells her,
you’ve got to part the foam.
So, she blows with force
on the foam which flies
from the cup—into his face, onto his front.
She laughs like crazy; he dabs his shirt.
9.
Sonnet (With Children)
My love is like a deep and placid lake…
Not now, sweetie, Daddy’s busy, OK?
OK: my love’s a deep and peaceful lake…
Here, Daddy can fix it. All better. Now go play.
Um, my love, yes—a rose that blooms in spring…
You tell her Daddy says she has to share.
My love’s… My love’s a lake that blooms—no, that springs…
On the wall?! Her what?! No, wait—I’ll be right there.
OK—love, lake, spring, joy, flower bedding…
And why is the house so quiet now, I wonder?
Ah, fuck it! (Whoops! Don’t say that!) You know where I’m heading.
Don’t touch a thing—I need to get the plunger!
Forgive me, love, but time, as you know, is ticking.
So here: no you, no joy, no life. No kidding.
— Gabriel Spera, author of The Rigid Body
10.
Early to Bed
Early to bed and early to rise:
If that would make me healthy and wise
I’d rise at daybreak, cold or hot,
And go back to bed at once. Why not?
— Mary Mapes Dodge, author of Hans Brinker, or the Silver Skates
Humor is not one-size fits all. You might find other poems funnier. We’d love to hear your favorites, if you want to share in the comment box. Or try your hand at penning a funny poem!
More Funny Poems, from Every Day Poems
I Love My Couch! It’s Like a Wall (humorous seating complaint; don’t miss the stuffed stoat)
Good Neighbors (funny love poem with Cheetos)
The Poetry Dare (two friends dare each other with words, okra, rutabagas!)
Fifi Gets Put Into Time Out (a Calico meltdown and a hissy fit)
Poetry Slam (can you find the play on “onomatopoeia”?)
My Bare-Chested Husband Wrestles the Patio Umbrella (we’ll let you decide who wins)
My Brother’s Bear (diaper humor appears)
Limburger Warning (cheese can be amusing)
Maternity (what happens when a Cube gets his geometric way, with a cute and acute Triangle?)
Photo by Boudewijn Berends Creative Commons via Flickr.
_________________________________
How to Write a Poem uses images like the buzz, the switch, the wave—from the Billy Collins poem “Introduction to Poetry”—to guide writers into new ways of writing poems. Excellent teaching tool. Anthology and prompts included.
“How to Write a Poem is a classroom must-have.”
—Callie Feyen, English Teacher, Maryland
Visit our humorous site eatloveread.me for a variety of humor resources
- Earth Song Poem Featured on The Slowdown!—Birds in Home Depot - February 7, 2023
- The Rapping in the Attic—Happy Holidays Fun Video! - December 21, 2022
- Video: Earth Song: A Nature Poems Experience—Enchanting! - December 6, 2022
Maureen Doallas says
Thank you for the laughs this morning. . . and for honoring me by including me.
The chimp still cracks me up. And the cat poems (and I’m not a cat person).
Juxtaposition, for sure, is siding
with the cat. Perspective
allows you to see no harm
in drinking a chocolate smooch
while driving. Still, you’ll want
to have a good explanation in prose
at the ready when that chimp pulls
you over for resetting your pentameter
to zero. Always remember this:
Go for the surprise. Never ever
bag or give away too much Spam,
especially if you are living alone
(or decide, like L.L., to go solo
while caressing the forks)
and get that overpowering
hunger for iambs on foam.
The cumulative effect is apt
to be too much exaggeration
in your quatrains. Please note:
repeated repetitive repetition
will not suit you. If thy need be
to get thee to bed early
before yet another sonnet leaves
you belied, betwitched & bewildered,
make nary a sound. Just go! Even
when understatement is called
for. The cat, as everybody knows,
can make up for it.
L. L. Barkat says
love, love, love! You just used the tricks, to terrific effect.
Heather Eure says
Clever poems! Funny poems written by women! Sharp and sassy and full of intelligence. Is there anything more frightening in the world? I love it.
Pip Walters says
Yesterday’s Bread – a Goodbye Note
I’ve left you. I’ve gone. I won’t be coming back.
I’ve dumped you. I’ve ditched you. I’ve given you the sack.
You snubbed me, ignored me, I’ve had enough of that.
I’ve done the washing up,
Cleaned the car and fed the cat.
You never take me out, buy me chocolates or gifts.
You never pick me up from work – I have to beg for lifts.
Anyway, it’s over now, water under the bridge.
I’ve gone back to my mothers.
There’s beer in the fridge.
When I met you, you were handsome, a tidy looking chap.
Now you’re just an ugly, scruffy, lazy bag of crap.
You rarely have a shower and you never comb your hair.
I’ve vacuumed
And plumped up all the cushions on your chair.
You never say you love me, or compliment my cooking.
You never comment on my clothes or tell me I’m good looking.
You don’t care if I get upset, you don’t notice if I’m hurt.
I’ve put your socks and pants away
And ironed your favourite shirt.
I wish I’d never met you. I’ve wasted half my life.
I’m glad we never married. I’d hate to be your wife.
I loathe and detest you. I wish that you were dead.
You’ll have to have soup for lunch
With yesterday’s bread.
Leachim Adzap says
Better luck with the next half.
What a shame
If it doesn’t go as planned,
If that “next half”
Ends up
Just being a day.
Or, with a new perspective
That half-lived life might seem
Merely a half lived dream.
Lucky you weren’t my wife
For now, we are both free…
Warrick Mayes says
I was aiming at a Ghazal type poem, didn’t read the instructions properly, but saw a strong cat theme to the site, so Came up with this:
It surely fits withe the cat theme, is funny, as a lot of my poetry tends to be. anyway, see what you think:
I am the man, Man Cat
The do anything “I can” Cat
I’m the unstoppable, Go Cat
The one and only, Show Cat
Everyone loves me, Top Cat
Sleep on your lap, Flop Cat
I’m the man about town, It Cat
The drop dead gorgeous, Fit Cat
So don’t think of me just as a Pet Cat
I’m The Lord, The Boss, Better Yet Cat
If I come up with a decent Ghazal version, I’ll be back another time.
L. L. Barkat says
fun poem! 🙂
Glad you came by.
Warrick Mayes says
I wrote this little ode a while ago.
I wanted to pull the reader in and then slap them in the face.
I hope you enjoy the efeect:
The sacred wind etches our skins
The holy rain cleanses our sins
The sun restores our eager souls
To piss in the snow & make black holes
Apologies for the language. No, I don’t mean that. I often throw in the odd swear word where it fits – that’s reality!
Michael C. Garcia says
Some of these are the dry humor kind, more just observations. I like a few on here; don’t care too much for cursing in poems; it seems more creative to me when a person can write a poem and express it vividly without those types of words. Well, here is one I wrote a few years back. I hope you all enjoy it.
P. S.
P. S. – I love you.
For all the things you’ve done;
And yet to do,
I feel oh so pretty;
And it’s all because of you.
Inside and out;
Improvements without a doubt,
So please accept my gratitude.
P. S. – I depend on you.
You make me feel young again,
I’m like putty in your hands.
You know exactly what to do.
So precise every time we meet;
Every time you do it so well,
Yet you make it so discreet;
No one could ever tell.
P. S. – Until the day I die.
One thing is for sure;
You will be the only cure.
No matter how old I get, I still feel spry;
Though inside I’m wasting away,
I feel younger and younger each day.
Besides, everyone keeps telling me so;
You fill me up with an inner glow.
P. S. – I must confess,
Here on my deathbed as I lie;
Mortality caught up to me I guess.
No matter how hard I try;
Plastic Surgery wasn’t a cure for all.
What? P. S. – Post Script is what you thought?
How else did you think I was able to impress ya’ll;
You guessed it – with all the plastic surgery I bought.
Copyright by NewLife2008
Bethany Rohde says
After getting a crown this morning, I wrote this for Poetry at Work Day:
My mouth, now your work
Counting my sins, one by one
Numb tongue, thicker cheek
Simply Darlene says
alas the chimp is
back – then i checked the date and
found she’s a replay
repeat funny just
keep her in your rig – i have no
need for lipstick
Marcy Terwilliger says
Old Man
You’re like the breeze old man,
Comes early in the day.
First you linger,
Moving things around in my mind.
As the noon day appears
Just like the flowers
You turn your face to the sun
Just enough, to take advantage of the
Warmth on your old dry skin.
Ever so slowly you walk back to your chair
In the shade.
Age spots play upon your face like rain
Drops left behind on clean windows.
Sway of the wind, bees consuming flowers,
Chimes sounding off, sound of birds in the
Distance.
Can you still hear them old man?
Like the plane flying low in the clear, blue
Sky?
Sunflower heads begin a low decent as the sun sets.
Meals for the finches.
Looking up, your head is snatched back in
Slumber, mouth wide open.
Slight sound let’s me know your sleep is
Deep.
Evening breeze has slowed
You can’t help but laugh at the thought.
Will a traveling insect try to tackle
That wide open mouth?
Will he choke on a fly?
I begin to laugh,
Like a moth that only comes out at night,
Drawn by white pedals,
Secretly dipping in and out of sight,
That’s what I long to be.
Shade of green, lovely,
Out enjoying the night life,
Let him alone in his slumber
Maybe one of the wild animals will visit
Tonight.
I’ll leave the backdoor unlocked.
Michelle DeRusha says
These are great! I particularly like Part the Foam – I found it more sweet than laugh-out-loud funny.
Gary Mathers says
Good ol’ Bill Shakespeare and his backhanded compliments…
poo says
roses are red
violets are blue
Faces like yours belong in a zoo
But don’t worry i will be there too
On the other side of the cage laughing at you
BY POO
Don Read says
I have 52 numerous poems. want some? Don Read Nottingham UK
Will Willingham says
Hi Don, thanks so much for stopping in and commenting. We don’t normally take submissions but are happy to see your work if you’d like to participate in our weekly poetry prompts (they publish on Mondays) or other community writing projects. Hope you’ll join in. 🙂
Shirley Smothers says
Can a Mime
make a rhyme?
Sure a Mime
can make
a rhyme.
But who would
hear it?
Alan Balter says
Here’s one that has made some of my friends chuckle:
Dead is Dead
When somebody dies, folks hardly ever say “dead”
They prefer “expired” or “deceased’ instead
Most of the euphemisms don’t do any harm
Like “biting the dust” and “buying the farm”
Consider “falling off the perch” or “given up the ghost”
“Taking a dirt nap” is one I like most
“Kicked the oxygen habit” and “gone off line”
Are another couple favorites of mine
How about “at room temperature” or “fell off the twig”
“Wearing a toe tag” or “played his last gig”
“Bought a pine condo” and “six feet under”
“Became a root inspector” makes one wonder
Try “belly up” and “bit the biscuit”
“Laid down his burden” and never missed it
“Gone to his maker” and “out of print”
“In a horizontal phone booth” for a permanent stint
“Defunct,” “extinct,” and “in the crisper”
Most say ‘em much louder than a whisper
“Gone to sleep city” and “passed his sell by date”
“Cashed in his chips at the pearly gate”
Now I could go on but you get the point
Have a fun life before “checking out of this joint”
And should you come to my funeral, don’t bring a thing
Just sit back and listen to the fat lady sing
Bethany R. says
I was needing a little boost of humor-power today and so enjoyed this again. Thank you, Will, and TSP & Co. for all the good, hopeful, and funny words you offer to the world. Wishing everyone well out there!