"It is Time to Begin to Conclude" by A. H. Laidlaw

It is Time to Begin to Conclude

Ye Parsons, desirous all sinners to save,
And to make each a prig or a prude,
If two thousand long years have not made us behave,
It is time you began to conclude.

Ye Husbands, who wish your sweet mates to grow mum,
And whose tongues you have never subdued,
If ten years of your reign have not made them grow dumb,
It is time to begin to conclude.

Ye Matrons of men whose brown meerschaum still mars
The sweet kiss with tobacco bedewed,
After pleading nine years, if they still puff cigars,
It is time you began to conclude.

Ye Lawyers, who aim to reform all the land,
And your statutes forever intrude,
If five thousand lost years have not worked as you planned,
It is time to begin to conclude.

Ye Lovers, who sigh for the heart of a maid,
And for forty-four years have pursued,
If two scores of young years have not taught you your trade,
It is time you began to conclude.

Ye Doctors, who claim to cure every ill,
And so much of mock learning exude,
If the Comma Bacillus still laughs at your pill,
It is time to begin to conclude.

Ye Maidens of Fifty who lonely abide,
Yet who heartily scout solitude,
If Jack with his whiskers is not at your side,
It is time to begin to conclude.

Ye Spaniards, akin to the Mexican mule,
And who have not fair Cuba subdued,
After three bloody years of your miscreant rule,
It is time you began to conclude.

We commend to your mind Bill McKinley’s big toe
In a boot that is rugged and rude,
When that boot and that toe give you notice to go,
It is time to begin to conclude.

Walk Spanish from Cuba, with Miles at your heel,
And by Fitz Hugh the Southron pursued,
Or you’ll learn from a thrust of American steel
That it’s time you began to conclude.

And Sigsbee will soon shoot it all very plain
Into Blanco’s most murderous brood,
That the cry from the blood of the Men of the Maine
Makes it meet for mere talk to conclude.

—A. H. Laidlaw